Some Things Are Meant to Be

I had a miscarriage. It started with a little blood yesterday afternoon. Then I started to feel small cramps last night before I went to bed. Around 4 in the morning my cramps woke me up. I went to the bathroom and the floodgates opened.

The past few days have been a very difficult and painful experience to say the least.

However, I'm okay. Considering how happy and excited I was about the baby, I feel a strong sense of relief. It just wasn't meant to be, and one day, when Marc and I are ready, we will have a baby.

I learned a lot from this very brief pregnancy. Onward and upward.

"Time will do the talking. Years will do the walking. I'll just find a comfy spot and I'll wait it out."

My First Mother's Day

Marc gave me a card with a frowning pregnant lady on it. It says, "For nine months, you get to eat and cry and complain and sleep and be completely and totally unreasonable... (turn the cover) And then it's your baby's turn. Congratulations on your pregnancy!" But Marc crossed out the "your" and wrote "our". He also wrote, "To My Sweet Meg, I love you so much and the next 9 months are going to be awesome!! The following 18 years... I have no idea, but it will be great!! Happy early mom's day! Love, Marc."

Marc's mom, Erica Dieziger Steiner, passed away on July 14th 2009 after a very long battle with cancer. Her birthday was May 8th, which happened to fall on this year's Saturday of Mother's Day Weekend. The past couple of days have been hard for Marc and his grieving process. His heart is very heavy today, but he expressed to me that he's feeling a combination of joy and pain. It's amazing how less than a year after his mother passed, some fresh Steiner blood, unexpectedly, began to prepare to enter the world. It's a pure and simple example of the never ending circle of life. It's touching.

If baby is a boy, which I think it is, his name is going to be Eric. After Marc's mama. Because that's the way it should be.

Happy Mother's Day to all of the past, present, and future mothers!

The Official Due Date

The official due date is December 23rd! I bet the poor baby will be born on Christmas Eve or Christmas. The 24th seems to be a special number for Marc and I, so I'm willing to bet baby will be born then.

I cannot believe how much I've been sleeping lately. I did not realize that the first trimester comes with so much fatigue and an overwhelming desire to sleep. At least I have yet to experience morning sickness beyond a little nausea. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that I avoid that one. I'm not a fan of puking on a regular basis.

I'm still in shock over the fact that I will be a married mama by the time I turn 24. Life is moving fast.

I Have Bad Ass Friends

Today has been absolutely wonderful. I slept in until 10:00. The only reason I woke up was to eat the poached eggs and toast Marc made for me. I took my first prenatal vitamins with a glass of Horizon Organic Whole Milk and listened to light classical music until I was done. Then I went back to bed until 11:30. My dad called and asked if Marc and I would let him take us out to lunch, so we drove to East Austin to eat at a restaurant called El Azteca. I had a chicken mole enchilada and a chicken taco. Mexican food is good for the soul.

When I got home I went back to bed for about twenty minutes before my dear friend Katherine came over to discuss a musical performance we're doing on the 22nd. We chatted about life, music, babies, and love. She informed me that approximately 60% of women have at least 1 miscarriage in their lifetime, and it almost always happens in the first trimester. Needless to say that made me very nervous. But I'm healthy and going to continue taking care of myself and hope for the best.

After my meeting with Kat, I hung out by the pool with Marc. My friend Zoe came over to pick up her toothbrush that she left here last week (I wonder if she had an interim one...) and jumped in with us. We hung out at the pool for a couple of hours before retreating back to the apartment. Then Carmen came over. Then Tanya came over. Then Marc made pasta. Then we ate and watched Glee. Pure Bliss.

It has been so exciting to share my baby news with people. If people think it's bad or crazy, they sure fool me. Everybody get's so excited! I'm so glad, because I'm so excited too! I'm so happy I could pop. But hopefully not until the due date.

Unexpected Joy

When I first discovered I was pregnant I freaked out. I felt depressed, overwhelmed, terrified, and anxious. So much so that I went as far as to make an appointment to terminate the pregnancy. But after 24 hours of serious soul searching, several signs from the universe, and long talks with Marc, my mom, and a special couple of friends, I realized that even though none of this was planned or expected, there is no option but to have this baby. I'm fortunate beyond belief to have Marc by my side, my parents living in the same city, health insurance, and the best friends a girl could have.

As soon as I realized that we were keeping this baby, I felt an overwhelming sense of joy. Joy like nothing I've felt in years. I feel like I have a new and amazing purpose. I have new motivation to live the best life possible so that my child will have the best life possible. I feel excited about working my ass off to break into the Austin theater industry. I feel excited to work hard at my job so that I might work my way up in the hospitality industry and provide quality to service to my community. I want it all. I want a family, a career, and reasons on top of reasons to grow and better the quality of who I am and what I have to give. I just feel so good. And different. Boy, do I feel different.

Baby is on it's way. Marc and I are ecstatic. There's a good chance that baby's birthday is going to be 01-01-11. How cool is that?

We're Expecting!

April, 2010 has been full of fatigue, irritability, an amazing sense of smell, frequent trips to the bathroom, and nausea. One might have initially realized that this was all in relation to the absence of Aunt Flo, but, honestly, I just thought I was tired and overworked.

I obviously thought wrong. After peeing on three sticks I discovered that I'm pregnant. Wow. Here we go...